On paper, Kimberley Godsall is a typical busy, working parent. The British mom welcomed her first child back in 2019 and now splits her days between working as an exam tutor and chasing her toddler around her home in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.
But there’s one thing that sets Godsall apart from some of her peers, and it’s something that’s earned her a fair amount of unsolicited jokes. Despite conceiving her daughter and giving birth three years ago, Godsall is a 38-year-old virgin who says she’s still “saving herself” for marriage.
At first read, that may not make a whole lot of sense — but believe it or not, it’s true.
(Just not in an “immaculate conception” sorta way.)
At 33, Godsall found herself in a boat that many women do: wanting to become a mother but still not finding the right partner to actually start that journey. The only difference was, she’d long made a commitment not to have sex before marriage, which meant that by her mid-30s, she was still a virgin despite several short-lived relationships.
“I realize it’s a romantic view of life, but from a young age I knew that while I wanted children, I only ever want to have sex with the person that I’m going to marry,” Godsall recently told the Daily Mail. “So I felt I’d failed when I wasn’t married by my mid-20s.”
The longer she waited, the more her options seemed clear.
She could stay the course, hoping that the right guy would come along just in time to make her dreams come true … or, she could become a mother on her own and not risk losing out on what could be her last years of “good” fertility.
Ultimately, she chose the latter and has zero regrets about it now.
Before getting pregnant in 2018, Godsall underwent several rounds of IVF.
In the process, she spent more than $21,000 on fertility treatments and used a sperm donor to conceive. The entire experience was “traumatic,” she admits now, but when her daughter Scarlett arrived in February 2019, Godsall knew it had all been worth it.
“For as long as I can remember I’ve longed to be a mom,” she said, according to the Daily Mail. “I couldn’t bear the thought of living my whole life without ever fulfilling that dream of having a child.”
Godsall’s story may be unusual, but it isn’t unheard of.
In fact, according to the Daily Mail, the British mother is actually part of a small but growing collection of women who’ve taken a similar route to parenthood.
They’re called “virgin moms” (as tongue-in-cheek as that may sound), and some fertility clinics have noticed they’re becoming more common.
One fertility doctor who spoke with ABC News back in 2015 said she’s seen a handful of women like Godsall in her UK clinic and that all of the women go into their pregnancies with eyes wide open.
“They understand that female fertility is finite and it doesn’t go on forever and ever,” said Dr. Maha Ragunath, medical director for the Care Fertility Clinic. “It’s doing themselves a favor.”
“One [patient] was a career woman and was too busy,” the doctor shared, adding that she doesn’t think they “gave themselves the opportunity to explore their sexuality” in their younger years.
That said, all of the women Ragunath treated were “well balanced and mentally prepared” for becoming mothers on their own, she noted.
Naturally, there are some physical realities to consider for anyone who becomes pregnant before having sex.
For one thing, physical exams may be particularly unpleasant for women who have not had vaginal sex (though let’s be honest, they’re pretty much always uncomfortable, regardless). In these cases, it’s best to have an open and honest dialogue with the physician, who can take that into account during routine examinations.
And then there’s the act of actually giving birth, which can be especially intimidating for virgins.
With this in mind, Godsall made a point of briefing her midwife on her situation during her very first appointment by asking how this might affect the birth.
Luckily, she was told she had nothing to fear.
“I was kind of reassured when she said, ‘No, it hurts anyway,'” Godsall told the Daily Mail. “That’s what I’d thought. Obviously, the size of a baby’s head doesn’t compare to any man’s appendage, whatever he may think.”
(In the end, Godsall’s labor was “long and painful” — but then again, so are many.)
Today, at 38, Godsall is still waiting for “Mr. Right” to come along.
But in the meantime, she’s happy just being “Mum” to little Scarlett, whom she calls her “mini-me.”
She’s also learned to brush off the many (many) jokes that have come her way for being a so-called “virgin mom.”
“I’ve already heard all the jokes from friends about my ‘immaculate conception’ or how Scarlett and I should be the stars of the Nativity play,” said Godsall, “and I’m not offended by any of it; I see the funny side.”
Original Article: https://cafemom.com/news/kimberley-godsall-virgin-mom-ivf-conception