A former high-class escort reckons someone’s performance in the bedroom is partially dictated by their profession – and some jobs fare a lot better than others.
Amanda Goff, from Australia, worked as an escort for six years, meaning she’s in a pretty good… erm, position to make such judgements.
And it’s not good news for celebrities – but if you’re a lawyer or doctor then you can probably start to feel quite smug.
Amanda, who worked under the name Samantha X, retired from the industry back in December 2017 – but not before having her fair share of sexual experiences with various blokes from a wide variety of careers, and coming to several conclusions about what that meant.
In fact, Amanda even reckons a person’s profession is more important than their looks when gauging how good – or bad – they’ll be in bed.
Mum Amanda, who now works as an author and columnist, shared her experiences in an article she wrote for news.com.au.
Of course, we don’t really know the sample size her judgements are based on, and furthermore she is clear that her observations are ‘tongue firmly in cheek’ – but let’s just dive right in and see what she has to say in the hope of enjoying an unfounded self-esteem boost.
First off, it’s good news for lawyers – not only are you probably rich, you’re also raunchy in the sack.
“When God created psychopaths, he made them lawyers,” she said.
“If you want a debaucherous night of sex, the lawyer is your man. Doesn’t matter if they are commercial, property, divorce or criminal, their penchant for kinky sex never fails to shock. They also tell very entertaining stories and wear good suits.”
Doctors are also a dab hand in the sexual arts, according to Amanda.
She said: “A bit like lawyers; great suits, great stories but also guilty of the God complex (understandable, as they do save lives). Tend to fall in love with you and cannot believe you don’t want to see them outside of ‘this’, despite them having a wife and four young kids. They have great stories, and good at foreplay (which you would hope so, as they know human bodies inside out).”
If you like a ‘funny, cute and fast’ experience – which I’m guessing you probably don’t – then you should try a night with a copper.
Amanda said: “I love cops. They’re tough, funny and down to earth. They make their own lunches and are good to their mums. They promise you they will wear their uniform one day, but they never do as they’re too scared of getting caught.
“Every time I’ve been in a car with an off-duty cop, they drive like maniacs and break every law known to man. The sex is a bit like them: funny, cute and fast. They’re always tired.”
IT workers, meanwhile, are supposedly lovers of foreplay – although this can be ruined somewhat if they don’t brush their teeth.
Meanwhile, ‘tradies’ – such as electricians, joiners, builders etc – are the opposite of what you might expect, with Amanda describing them as ‘pussycats in the bedroom’ who ‘tend to like MILFs’.
The same goes for criminals, with Amanda claiming ‘the harder the crim, the softer they are’ – although some might argue with her definition of ‘criminal’ as a profession.
Celebrities cop the worst review from Sammy X though – but once again, you could argue that being a celebrity isn’t really a job (or at least it never used to be).
She said: “Fame is not something to be envied. I’ve never met a bunch of more depressed, egocentric (yet insecure) lot.
“They will typically try to negotiate fees despite being paid millions. And it’s true what they say: the sex is never like it is in the movies.”
So there you have it, so-called ‘professional celebrities’ – who’s the real winner now?! Your rutting is pitiful without CGI enhancement and cinematic framing.